Starting to live after death

Angela Campagnoni, Life after Death

It’s been many years since my father’s passing, 18 years to be exact…and I realized I have been holding on to a lot of guilt, because it was from my father’s death that I broke free of a life that was expected to live for the life path that I am now choosing… sounds deep doesn’t it… it’s not really, outside of me realizing I was doing everything expected of me what I didn’t realize until this past year was that my life may have been very different if I hadn’t started questioning life. You see that’s where the guilt set in…I would have wasted a life of self-exploration had his tragic passing not forced me to look at the idea of “what is it all about” … here was a man that worked hard all his life, just to start to retire, only to get sick and pass away at 61

Let me step back for a minute to explain, at the age of 21 years I was flying through “The List” , you know that imaginary list that was being implanted into our heads unknowingly about everything we were supposed to achieve, and in the order to do it…

  • So I went to University,
  • I met my first husband
  • Eventually graduated University
  • got married
  • bought a house
  • and opened my Business in my home town with its cute little store front…

… Now…at this point I just turned 21,

Now within 18 months of all of these things being completed….my business closed and I began working for a clothing manufacture so essentially I was helping someone else build their dreams…but it was a steady pay check and wasn’t that what I was supposed to do…So I didn’t take time to reflect on it….I just pushed forward, running to the finish line…

Then at 23 I was pregnant with my First Daughter, 4 months into my pregnancy my father was diagnosed with Cancer… very aggressive and very fast… and I lost him when my baby was 3 months old…

Now as a bigger picture ( if that was not big enough) also in those last 3 months of my fathers Illness, my grand mother had a stroke and died, and my vet killed my Cat when she went in to be fixed…

So here I was this main pillar in my life gone, and I had a new baby that I needed to be whole for… So basically the next 2 years I slowly began to live the motions…I pushed through as I always did…

I never really allowed myself time to deal with everything that happened… I just kept moving forward, in this race to get to the horizon, but like we know horizons are impossible to actually reach….its that whole round planet thing…

I remember the exact moment when I knew life was going to change forever for me… the exact moment that everything inside that I had bottled up was going to say “enough”

I was sitting on the stairwell of my home and I very calmly asked my then husband “Are you happy” … his answer unknowingly changed the complete direction of how I see life, or should I say allowed me to see life how I was meant to see it…

His answer “Im not as happy as I could be, however I am use to this level of happiness”

And he was truly ok with that, he was truly ok with what basically meant he was settling… Now we were both good people and had a beautiful daughter, but that was it at that point, I was a different person now… I was a person that actually stopped and realized that I really had no idea why I was in such a rush for everything…and I was at peace with my decision,  that I wanted more then to settle for a life that was expected, rather than a life that was desired…

So that’s when my life restarted, that was when I began to live…

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